THE BROKEN WALLET

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The comparison game is dangerous. Financially speaking, it can leave you broke or in debt. And it’s also the thief of joy and a confidence killer.

Looking back at some of my video content, I’ve spoken on how to live within your means, how to stop living paycheck to paycheck, how to be less materialistic, and more recently I gave advice on what to do if you feel financially behind. In many of these videos I highlighted the danger of comparing ourselves to others. Yet, I’ve never deep dived into this topic..until now. 

If you struggle with this, hopefully the below tips can help you break the cycle. 

1. Recognize your triggers (and then avoid them)

A trigger is any situation, thing, or person that creates a reaction or makes you feel a certain way. In this case, the trigger is anything that prevents being content with who you are – or what you have.

This is different for everyone. For some people, social media is a huge trigger and certain posts make them feel bad about themselves. Or, it might be something else. Maybe watching HGTV is too much of a reminder of what you don’t have. To avoid these triggers, you might need to unfriend/hide certain people, or watch less House Hunters.

Then again, someone in your life might boast heavily and purposely rub their belongings or success in your face. And if so, you might need to put some distance between yourself and them. 

Understandably, this is hard depending on the person. However, one thing that can help you feel “less guilty” about distancing yourself is realizing that these people often “want you to feel inferior.” So don’t feel bad about limiting contact or changing the subject whenever they focus too much on themselves.

2. Lose the word “should”

A big problem with comparisons is that we’re constantly focusing on what we don’t have – and not just financially, but even with regard to qualities or skills. You might start using language like “I’m the the same age as that person, I should be where they are?” Or, “I should be farther along in my career?”

Using the word “should” to describe how we feel might seem innocent. But what’s interesting about the definition of “should” is that it’s used to “indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.”

Therefore, it has a negative connotation, in which case you’re criticizing your own actions. So when talking about yourself, become more aware of when you use this word too much, and then flip the language around. Instead of “I should own a house like my friends,” remove the should and your friends from the equation and change it to, “I want to buy a house soon” or “it’s important for me to buy a house.”

3. What would you say to a friend?

Comparing ourselves to others is another way of saying we’re not good enough. We’re putting the other person on a pedestal and we become our own worst critic.

But the reality is, we’re often looking at the other person through the eyes of our own insecurities. So if they shine where we lack, we start to see them as superior in certain areas, even though we’re probably not that much different.

Overcoming this starts with appreciating your own accomplishments and talents – and I realize this can be hard. But one thing that might help is talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend. You wouldn’t say something negative to someone you cared about. And if they started comparing themselves to others or feeling that they weren’t good enough, you would likely become their hype man and highlight their good qualities.

If you have trouble recognizing the good you bring, ask someone to list these qualities for you. Sometimes, it takes another person to balance our negative thoughts to appreciate our own value.

4. Water your own grass

We’ve all heard the expression, “the grass is greener on the other side.” This is when another person’s circumstances appear more desirable than our own.

However, I read something that hit it on the nail…

“You can’t grow and nurture your own grass when you’re busy focusing on your neighbor’s”

This is so true. 

Nurturing and growing anything takes planning, energy, and time. The brain can only focus on one thing at a time. So if you spend a lot of time and mental energy worrying about others, you’re not going to get far.

Instead, put that mental strength toward getting where you want to be. It might help to shift the focus from comparison to inspiration and make the other person your ally. In other words, ask them questions or get advice, and use that information to become a better version of yourself.

Rather than be in competition with others, be your own competition. From this moment forward, strive to be better than you were five years ago, last year, or even last month.

5. Remind yourself that money doesn’t buy happiness

Yes, money can solve a lot of problems and make life easier – which can bring greater satisfaction and increase happiness levels. Let’s be honest, being able to pay your bills and put a roof over your head is reason alone to be happy. But money doesn’t solve every problem, nor is it the answer to true happiness, especially when a person chases it for the purpose of acquiring more stuff.  

Quite often when people make comparisons, they’re looking at what the other person has materially – whether it’s a bigger house, a nicer car, or more experiences. Too often, people make the mistake of measuring success by the amount of stuff someone has. 

Even if they don’t realize it, they might subconsciously think, “I’d be happier if I had so-and-so’s job or lifestyle.” However, happiness is not tangible…so you can’t buy it.

Sure, you might feel happy after getting something, but this type of happiness doesn’t last. And let’s be honest, at some point we’ve all probably known someone who had money and a lot materially, yet they weren’t happy.

The same way talking to a friend can balance our negative thoughts, practicing gratitude can often do the same. Gratitude is acknowledging the good in your life RIGHT NOW. You can focus on yourself, and once you recognize your own value, you’re less likely to feel insecure or jealous.