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How to hang out with friends who earn more money?

We tend to gravitate toward individuals with similar personalities and interests. However, even if we share a lot in common with someone, differences in income levels can complicate things. When one person has more disposable income than the other, it can be challenging, especially for the person with a tighter budget who may not afford the same activities as their friends.

So here’s a look at how to hang out with friends who earn more money than you. 

Don’t go into debt keeping up with friends who earn more

It’s easy to come across images of friends, family, and acquaintances seemingly living a dream life. They might indulge in frequent vacations, sport designer clothes, or dine out regularly. The pressure to keep up can be intense, particularly when your friends seem financially capable of doing whatever they please.

According to a survey, a significant percentage of millennials confessed to accumulating debt just to match their friends’ lifestyles. What’s concerning is that 73% of those who did keep it a secret. Additionally, 27% admitted feeling uncomfortable saying no when suggested an activity they couldn’t afford, highlighting a pervasive issue.

Even if using a credit card to keep up provides a temporary sense of belonging, this feeling is illusory and unlikely to lead to positive outcomes. Adopting a lifestyle beyond your means can trigger a chain of poor decisions, and once in a financial hole, it may take years to climb out.

The desire to fit in may initially drive these choices, but it can escalate to extreme financial decisions, such as financing an unaffordable luxury car or moving into an expensive apartment that strains your budget. All these choices are made with the hope that others perceive you at the same income level.

Ultimately, if you go to extremes to mimic your friends’ spending habits, you’re the one left dealing with the consequences when things spiral out of control—not them.

Be honest about your circumstances (without giving too many details)

Transparency about money isn’t always common – some people prefer to keep financial matters hush-hush. However, being open about it can actually be a positive thing.

This doesn’t mean you need to spill every detail of your financial life to your friends. Your income, savings, and debts are personal, and you have every right to keep them private.

Instead, focus on the bigger picture. For example, if you’re invited somewhere or if there’s an activity you can’t afford at the moment, you can say something like, “I’ve been working on a budget this year, and I’m aiming to be more mindful of my spending.” This simple statement communicates your commitment to financial responsibility without delving into the specifics of your income.

Being open about your budget can offer several advantages:

1. Taking Responsibility: It allows you to take responsibility for your financial well-being, boosting your confidence and strengthening your financial discipline.
2. Reality Check: It serves as a reality check for friends. People who are financially comfortable may not realize the constraints others face. Sharing your budgeting efforts can gently remind them that not everyone can afford extravagant outings.
3. Positive Influence: Your commitment to mindful spending might positively influence your friends. It could inspire them to be more conscientious about their own spending habits, even if they have more financial flexibility.

Embrace the joy of missing out (JOMO)

This shift in mindset provides a refreshing perspective, especially in a world that often glorifies excessive spending and overconsumption. It essentially encourages finding contentment in the things you choose not to do, particularly when they involve exceeding your budget.

The benefit is clear: you no longer chase after every experience or material possession, but instead, you focus on what truly matters to you.

To fully embrace the joy of missing out, it’s essential to stop always viewing “no” as a negative. Instead, think of it as saying yes to your goals—whether it’s saving for a down payment on a house, putting money aside for a dream vacation, or working towards becoming debt-free.

This perspective shift empowers you because you’re taking control of your future and making conscious decisions that prioritize your goals over impulsive spending. It’s a positive step toward financial well-being and aligning your actions with your long-term aspirations.

Stop viewing their generosity as charity

A common challenge that arises when friends earn significantly more, is accepting gestures of generosity without feeling uncomfortable or indebted.

For instance, your friend may occasionally offer to cover the cost of dinner, concert tickets, or another expense. Despite no expectation of payment, you might feel uneasy accepting these gifts and turn them down.

Instead of viewing these acts of kindness as charity, consider reframing how you perceive them. In most cases, they stem from a genuine desire to enjoy a particular activity with you. It can be helpful to put yourself in your friend’s shoes. If you had the means, would you occasionally treat a friend to an enjoyable experience? If your answer is yes, it’s likely your friend feels the same way.

Certainly, guilt may accompany accepting generosity, particularly when there’s an imbalance in resources. However, remember that you can reciprocate in other meaningful ways. Show your appreciation by being a supportive and caring friend, offering your time, or providing assistance in other ways. This way, the give-and-take in the friendship is balanced and goes beyond financial transactions.

Set boundaries

Establishing boundaries with friends who earn more can be challenging, particularly if they don’t easily accept a ‘no’ as an answer.

Even when you communicate your budget limitations, some friends may persistently encourage you to participate in expensive activities. However, setting boundaries is crucial. It allows you to clearly define what’s acceptable and what’s not in terms of spending, protecting yourself from decisions that could lead to debt or stress.

The key to setting clear boundaries lies in being firm and consistent. Be firm by being assertive and not allowing others to change your mind, without feeling the need to justify your decisions.

Consistency is equally important. Giving in once can open the door to persistent pressure. Standing your ground sends a clear message, and over time, others will understand and stop pushing.

Setting boundaries also involves not feeling guilty for prioritizing your financial well-being. Recognize that, in some cases, you may need to distance yourself from those who don’t understand or respect your boundaries, preserving your financial stability and peace of mind.

Be the host (focus on what you can do)

When you’re in a social circle with friends who have more financial resources, it’s crucial to take control of your social calendar and introduce budget-friendly or free activities.

By doing so, you not only manage your finances wisely but also contribute to the diversity of experiences your group can enjoy together.

Consider hosting a game night, inviting friends over for an evening of board games, card games, or video games. It’s a low-cost, interactive way to bond. Alternatively, organize a movie night and ask friends to bring their favorite snacks. Another option is to plan a dinner where each friend contributes a dish.

Thinking outside the box can also bring fresh, affordable ideas to the table. Explore local nature trails or hiking spots, delve into the local culture, or attend free or low-cost events in your area, such as concerts, art exhibitions, or festivals.

This doesn’t mean you have to stop participating in the activities they suggest, or that you never spend money. Instead, it allows you to enjoy each other’s company without breaking the bank, fostering a balanced and inclusive social environment.

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