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Are you secretly keeping up with the Joneses?!

You’ve probably heard the phrase “keeping up with the Joneses.” It means trying to match or outdo your neighbors, the Joneses, in terms of possessions, lifestyle, or social status to show that you’re just as successful as they are. But now, it’s not just the Joneses – you might find yourself keeping up with the Williams or the Johnsons.

As a personal finance content creator, one thing I always stress is the importance of “not” trying to keep up with others. Because whether you earn a little or a lot, trying to match someone else’s lifestyle is almost guaranteed to keep you financially stuck.

The good news is that many people realize this. I regularly see comments and videos where people talk about how they’re not trying to upgrade their lifestyles. They’re becoming more content and understand that their possessions don’t define them, which is fantastic.

But unfortunately, I’ve noticed something else through observation.

Even when people “think” they’re not keeping up with the Joneses, sometimes they are on a sneaky, less obvious scale.

You’re embarrassed by good financial decisions

Let me relate a story to illustrate this point.

Earlier this year I came across a Reddit post where a couple with a multiple six-figure income intentionally chose to buy a modest home, avoid expensive cars, and keep their overall spending low.

They were making all the right financial decisions. However, despite being in a strong financial position, they felt embarrassed by their choices. Why? Because their friends and family had larger homes, nicer cars, and more possessions.

This embarrassment wasn’t just for themselves, though. They were concerned about their children as well. This was a unique situation because people who deliberately live below their means typically take pride in that decision – they own it. Yet, this wasn’t the case.

On one hand, they weren’t outwardly keeping up with the Joneses because they intentionally lived well beneath their means. But inwardly, they were still keeping up because they feared being seen as the “less affluent friend.”

You constantly “one up” people

You know the type. Whenever someone shares something good or exciting about themselves, this person can’t resist making the conversation about their own accomplishments. It’s like they’re physically incapable of letting others have their moment.

But although it’s annoying when others do this, sometimes you might be guilty of this too.

As another person shares exciting news about their life, whether it’s a new job, a recent trip, or a personal achievement, do you feel the urge to jump in and highlight how amazing your life is? Or do you frequently downplay another person’s experiences? It’s a behavior that can go unnoticed – until you’re called out – but it’s worth thinking about.

We all want to share our joys and successes with the people around us. But sometimes we might unintentionally create an unspoken competition, where we shift the focus from celebrating someone’s accomplishments to trying to outdo them.

So instead of rushing to talk about your achievements, practice active listening and show genuine enthusiasm for their success. By doing this, you help create a positive and supportive environment where everyone can shine in their own light.

You don’t invite people to your home

I recently came across a video where a woman expressed her desire to host dinner parties, movie nights, and game nights because she genuinely enjoys being around people.

The only thing holding her back, though, was the belief that her home wasn’t as aesthetically pleasing as her friends’ places.

She felt that she needed to buy new furniture, redecorate her entire home, and redo her kitchen before hosting anything. The surprising part, however, was that based on what I could see in the video, nothing appeared wrong with her home.

Granted, she didn’t give a complete house tour. Even so, parts of her home visible looked nice and well-kept. The space itself seemed relatively new too. But despite having a comfortable and seemingly nice looking home, she felt embarrassed about people seeing the interior.

You return items after shopping with friends

I’m a big advocate for returning items, especially if you have second thoughts after buying something or realize you don’t need it. There’s no need to let an item sit around collecting dust if you’re not going to use it.

However, it’s essential to be self-aware when it comes to returning items and look for certain patterns in your behavior.

Some people go shopping with friends, make purchases, and then return some or even all of the items because they couldn’t actually afford them. The main reason for this is caring too much about what others think, and wanting to create the illusion of having more money than they really do.

You’re leasing a car you can’t afford to buy

I understand this topic might touch a nerve with some, however this tip isn’t meant for everyone. So if it doesn’t apply, let it fly!

Personally, I don’t have anything against leasing a car. There are pros and cons to this, and it might make sense for those who prefer driving a new car every few years. 

But like any financial decision, consider your motive or your “real reason” for choosing a lease over buying. The reality is that some people lease cars primarily to drive a luxury brand they couldn’t otherwise afford.

I’m not here to judge, but this is something I’ve heard people openly admit. They often justify leasing by pointing out how the monthly payment is usually similar to (or less than) buying an average car, which might be true.

But regardless of how much you’re able to save in the process, if your primary motivation for leasing a car is to impress others, you’re still keeping up with the Joneses.

You stop taking your lunch to work

Eating out every day can put a dent in your wallet, especially with rising prices due to inflation. Just think about it – if you spend $10 every workday, that’s easily $200 a month, compared to maybe $2 or $3 a day if you bring your lunch.

If you work full-time outside the house, I recommend completing a lunch audit at least every six months. Look at how often you currently eat out for lunch, and then compare this with your habits from a few months ago.

There can be a lot of pressure to dine out with coworkers, and it’s okay to join them from time to time. But if you find yourself eating out every day or most days of the week (because you don’t want others to think you’re broke), this is another sneaky sign of secretly keeping up with the Joneses.

You’re losing your “frugal edge”

Being frugal is more straightforward when you’re with frugal-minded people – friends and family who share your financial values and goals. You can support each other and keep up those money-saving habits together.

But this works the other way too. So if you’re around people who aren’t so thrifty, their spending habits can influence you.

When you’re trying to save money, some people might criticize you with negative comments or call you “cheap.” So in the company of certain individuals, you might “let down your frugal guard” to avoid their judgment.

For instance, you might typically use coupons at restaurants or wait for items to go on sale. Yet, in the presence of frugal naysayers, you might hesitate using coupons or pay full price because you want to be socially accepted by them.