THE BROKEN WALLET

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Some people don’t encourage financial responsibility. Here’s why it happens and how to stay focused on your money goals anyway. 

Some people don’t want you to do well financially. I know that might seem like a crazy idea, especially when you consider that being responsible is typically praised no matter what you’re doing. You want to go back to school, a lot of people might say good job. You want to lose weight, people might give you tips. You want to improve in other areas of your life, and many people will be in your corner.

But one thing I’ve noticed is that when it comes to financial responsibility, some people aren’t as eager to pat you on the back or encourage you to do right. If anything, some might actually encourage you to loosen the purse strings, telling you to live a little. I’ve always found that very odd.

In fact, there have been times when I’ve noticed someone’s expression completely change the moment someone brings up making financial changes in their life. You want to pay off credit cards. You want to stop shopping as much. You want to build your savings account. Of course, I don’t have a psychology background, even though I love the topic. Sidenote, I stumbled upon my mom’s psychology book when I was around eight or nine years old and I remember reading chapters at a time because I found it so interesting. But I digress.

The point is, I don’t know exactly why some people act this way, and some might disagree, but I do feel it’s a real thing. I don’t have scientific proof, but I have a few theories.

The first might go back to the fact that money is still such a taboo topic. Even though there’s been a lot of recent conversation about friends and family being a little more open about finances (sharing saving strategies, credit tips, or ways to be more frugal), some people still aren’t ready for these conversations. Which is sad, because unfortunately, financial mistakes are costly and take a long time to recover from.

Because many people don’t want to touch this topic, if it comes up in conversation, some might change the subject because they feel it’s rude, or because it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe they don’t have a lot of financial knowledge and know they can’t contribute to the conversation. That could explain why some people clam up whenever someone else talks about their financial goals.

The second reason, which I think plays a big role, is that someone else being financially responsible can be a reminder that the other person isn’t. Telling someone to live a little or that money is meant to be spent could be their way of projecting. They might know they need to save, build an emergency fund, or get their credit card debt under control, but they’re not willing to do what it takes to make a difference. Hearing someone else get serious about finances can feel like a gut punch.

The third reason might be rare, but I feel it needs to be mentioned because it definitely happens. Some people don’t want you to do financially better than they are. They want you to stay in the same spot because that’s where they are, and they don’t feel they can do any better. If you get serious about your finances and succeed, who are they going to complain with? They don’t want to be left behind. By discouraging you, they feel like they win, even if it’s just psychologically.

That’s just my two cents on this topic. Agree or disagree, I’m just expressing what I feel might be going on. At the end of the day, the important thing to remember is that no one is responsible for your financial life but you. Anyone who discourages you from getting serious about your money is someone to side eye. They should be rooting for you, taking lessons from you, and maybe getting serious about their own finances if they haven’t already.